Goodbye Clique Club, Hello Chick Club!

Joining a women dominated group or WDG is something that we do from time to time. Single, professional women join support groups, women only gyms and professional organizations. Navy and military wives (must) join spouse clubs. Moms with school-age children join PTAs. Working moms and stay-at-home-moms join play groups...and so on.

I'm not complaining too much since part of me knows that healthy WDGs provide certain comforts and essential support. So please forgive me while I indulge in a little complaint about unhealthy WDGs.

These look like brick walls -- you've been there -- inside jokes, old friendships, no room for the newcomer, tightly held information and the "we've always done it this way mentality." Welcome to the WDG Clique Club.

Don't give up. Don't run away screaming. You can beat the clique club using Survivor techniques: outwit, outlast and expose. Clique clubs have their own language designed to keep you OUT and keep the power structure intact. One warning though: when the clique club power structure crumbles, it's often loud and ugly, so make sure you wear your hardhat.

Some WDGs:

PTAs, Navy Officer Spouse Clubs, Bunco, Play Groups, Soroptomists, Ladies Auxilaries, online support groups

Things WDG Clique Club Members Say:

1. I'm just a volunteer. This is code for I don't want to, I can't, I won't, You can't make me. "I'm too lazy or maybe just dumb."
2. Let me check the bylaws. This is code for "You can't do that," "We don't do it that way," "We've never done it that way."
3. Not everyone has the time every 2 hours to sit down and respond to the latest email. Translation: 1) Get a job 2) Your house is dirty
4. Please do not send out any emails without running it by me first. Translation: 1) Where is my Paxil? 2) Talk to the hand.
5. This is a great opportunity to brainstorm and clear the air about boundary misunderstandings. Translation: Turf War!
6. Please note this is not a request but a directive at this time. Translation: 1) End of Discussion 2) Do As I SAY
7. You do seem you have a lot of time to email. Translation: 1) If only I could type 2) I'm certain your house is dirty.
8. I resent that implication. Translation: I resemble that remark.
9. I am not trying to choose sides." Translation: I chose a side and it ain't yours.
10. May I point out this is the same manner that we've been using for a great number of years now? Quite successfully, I might add." Translation: Speaks for itself!
11. I am very uncomfortable with information being out on the live website. Translation: Freedom of No Information Act (FONI)
12. Our community is sometimes hesitant to accept change. Translation: I don't want to.

Again, not all WDGs are clique clubs. I'm sure there are some that encourage dialog, communication, transparency and community involvement. Many WDGs are full of great, energetic people who do their time and move on. Same old, same old.

Every now and then, someone joins the club and tries something new. It can be you! Or, you can find this person and rise above the clique club to create your very own chick club (inlcusive of course).

Here's what a healthy WDG looks like:

1. Let's try it.
2. We'll get it done.
3. Let's see if x would like to join us (and y and z)
4. Work together
5. Transparency
6. Information for all (Is there a FOIA vs the FONI?)
7. Participation for all who choose it
8. Inclusive vs exclusive
9. Ask people for their input / opinion
10. Transparency in all things
11. Make Changes
12. Tweak programs constantly (TPC)
13. Set up guidelines using discussion
14. Don't limit discussion
15. Professional behavior

If your WDG clique club comes after you, zig zag. Tell your neighbors; tell your friends. Expose the clique club as best you can and zig zag on with new ideas. Exposure is the worst enemy of the clique.

No need to be mean or vindictive. Do new stuff; create new things. Leave the clique behind.